Life Painting: John

Oil on Canvas

30 by 40 centimeters

John is a friendly man with beautifully toned and shaped muscles, elaborate tattoos and sparse, gray hair. But because of the angle he poses in and new complicated ideas from the drawing class I did last night, I find his expression and features almost impossible to capture. 

Midway through my attempt, I really start to panic. The penny feels like it’s dropping, horribly and inexorably. Shocking. Wrenching. I’m no good at this.

As I pack up to leave, I decide that what I have done is terrifyingly bad, and that it does not come close to capturing the man in question. I am a joke. All this waste and expense to prop up a childish ego is tantamount to pouring time, money and effort into a bottomless sink of lunacy.

Maybe it’s better not to try.

When I get home, I am tempted to scrape everything off. My daughter dissuades me and when I cool and calm down, I’m actually glad that she does.